I've Seen That Look Before

I went to my appointment at Memorial Sloan Kettering, such a wonderful place, much better than the cancer center at Queens Hospital Center.  Anyway the workers there were great, very nice and attentive.  They weren't the ones that gave me a level of concern.  My father had come with me but somehow other patients knew that I was the one that had the appointment.  They stared at me their faces saying what their heart was feeling, the only keeping them from blurting it out was good manners, and concern for their own business.  I checked in and my next stop was to the 6th floor for my appointment.  The whole set up of the office was beautiful and calming.  The elevators were slow and every elevator that came barely had room for both my father and I so we decided to split up and go separately finding that room for one was easier to find than room for two.  I climbed on the next elevator and made my way up to the sixth floor.  The elevators seemed to be moving slower than what I was accustomed to so I busied myself by looking up to see what was located on each floor and peeking out as the doors opened.

Finally I reached my floor, it was a woman's center with Gynecologic Oncology.  I stepped out behind some other women and attempted to wait in the line that was forming when the woman ahead of me insisted that I go before her.  We were helped simultaneously by the two women at the front desk.  As they handed me some papers to fill out I stood on the side and waited for my father.  He was on the third elevator to open its doors to this floor.  Once he arrived we walked over to the waiting area and had a seat.  As I took my seat I could see people staring at me; some stopped their conversations, others just looked on, one even pointed and I knew why.  I was the youngest woman on this floor, let me correct that.  I was the youngest patient all the others were old, they were mothers, grandmothers, etc.  and its not like they didn't know why I was there, after all everyone was a cancer patient with some sort of cancer related to the female anatomy.  Where most had brought their fathers, sisters, daughters or mates as company I had my father.  Their eyes were full of questions and their faces were full of sadness.

I have gotten used to this look, this look of despair and hopelessness.  The look that people give when they have already buried you in their soul and are just waiting for your physical body to succumb to their thought process.  The truth of the matter is I've seen this look far too many times before and I pity those that give it.  They don't know me, they obviously don't possess my faith, or strength of character.  They have already given up and it is I that feels sorry for them.  I believe in my healing, I trust God that I am healed.  I believe that my life will be long and full.  So although I've seen that look before I just smile it off, grin it back to a place of minding one's own.